Tag: polyamory events in Ann Arbor

Poly On The Rise – Statistics And Resources

Posted on by polyannarbor_g46iih

This article explores polyamory and how people around the country are seeing Poly On The Rise.

Poly On The Rise

Once upon a time, polyamory and, more broadly, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), were viewed as the stuff of erotic fiction, something relegated to fantasy and not reality. While there can certainly be spicy moments of sensational seduction, polyamory is not a strictly sexual affair. Polyamory can also include cohabitation, shared resources, and shared long-term goals (many of my local poly humans aspire toward the ultimate mecca of “the poly compound”). Nevertheless, due to stigma associated with participating in consensual non-monogamy, most folks never try it out or they keep their lifestyle concealed. However, recent years have started bringing CNM into the public sphere, which has been a critical first step in fostering more wide-spread acknowledgement and acceptance of the lifestyle. With poly on the rise, more awareness is happening, even from those outside the community.

What Is CNM In Dating?

For those unfamiliar with the terms, CNM is a practice where individuals or couples form an above the table agreement to engage in multiple sexual relationships. Part of that agreement may include maintaining emotional and/or romantic fidelity to one individual while pursuing outside sexual relationships. Polyamory falls under the CNM umbrella and is a relationship style that allows everyone involved to pursue multiple sexual, emotional, and romantic relationships. To learn more about the basic principles of CNM and the different relationship styles that fall under its umbrella— including polyamory— check out our other blog post.

Major media outlets, such as Rolling Stone, CBSNews, and NPR, published articles in the recent past discussing the topic of polyamory. Many people practicing polyamory and CNM have also had their stories center in the lifestyle sections of prominent news sources, such as The New York Times. CNM even featured as a discussion topic on the Red Table Talk, a web television talk show hosted by Willow Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith, and, her mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris.

Polyamory In Media – Poly On The Rise

The last couple of decades has also seen the appearance of a lot of popular print media. More Than Two, The Ethical Slut, the Polyamorist Next Door are just a small selection of the many polyamory and CNM books that have been released over the years. Many of these books are written by long term members of the polyamory and CNM communities, offering unique firsthand insights that is at times absent in short form news articles that are written about us, but without consulting actual members of the community.

Mainstream media isn’t the only place that is shining a spotlight on the topics of CNM and polyamory; Academic institutions are churning out an increasing volume of studies and journal articles aimed at better understanding the estimated 9.8 million adults actively practicing CNM in the United States. In alignment with that goal, the American Psychological Association formed a task force dedicated to producing research and providing resources on CNM. The Consensual Non-monogamy Task Force hit the ground running upon formation, their accomplishments to date ranging from compiling scholarly articles into an public online library to documenting best practices for research and clinical practices to promoting the successful addition of CNM and kink-affirming terms to provider directories.

Increased Representation

As someone who has been a part of the polyamorous community for almost 6 years now (and the broader CNM community for longer still), it’s been a breath of fresh air to watch the increasing amount of publicly available resources and media representation of the poly community. My first foray into consensual non-monogamy back in my undergraduate career was, frankly, a bit of a disaster. I got involved with someone who was in an open relationship with a high school sweetheart who attended a different college down the road. Eventually I was invited to be a third in the relationship, an arrangement that lasted approximately 2 months before crashing and burning. While there were several factors that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, much of which ultimately came down to the fact that none of us knew what we were doing, resulting in broken hearts all around.

New Beacons

Years down the road, I’m in a stable, healthy relationship with two different people and privileged to have a kickass metamour. Over the past 6 years, I’ve had everything ranging from casual, one-night flings to serious dating partners who have since transitioned into platonic friendships. There are two big things that finally allowed me to successfully navigate the polyamorous lifestyle: community and online resources. In my early attempts at CNM, I had neither of those. I was in a relationship that seemed to only exist in paperback novels and the only people I could talk to about it was the couple I was dating. Every time a mainstream news source posts an objective article on the topic and or a polyamorous person authors a new book, a beacon is lit in the night to help those new to the lifestyle navigate the stormy waters of CNM while living in a society where monogamy is the norm.

Hope For The Future

Increasing media coverage and resources won’t put a halt to all the hiccups and complications that can result from a polyamorous lifestyle. Most of us are still raised in a monogamous and heteronormative environment that cast jealousy and possessiveness as characteristic of “healthy relationships”. Even those of us who are naturally wired for polyamory still need to unpack the social constructs stamped into our subconscious that say monogamy is good and polyamory is bad. However, I believe that increased visibility of both local and global polyamory communities, as well as a greater amount of free online resources, will make the unpacking a little less miserable for everyone.  As time goes by, there is even more hope for the future.

 

Other Local Polyamory Notes

Thanks for reading Poly On The Rise, one of many articles and resources on the Poly Ann Arbor website. For people who are looking for polyamory events in Ann Arbor, polyamory in Detroit, Ypsilanti polyamory events, and polyamory groups in Michigan, this website has top resources, and even more being added. Make sure to take a look at our events calendar as things start opening up more. Finding polyamorous people in Ann Arbor and beyond starts with the right tool, and we are excited to provide them.

Poly Red Flags – Part 1

Posted on by polyannarbor_g46iih
Polyamory can be a wonderful experience that leaves both a person and their household bursting with love and community. However, as many veteran polya people can tell someone, the journey to polyamorous equilibrium can be rocky at best and heart-shattering at worst. While relationship missteps and disasters riddle both monogamous and polyamorous communities alike, there are a number of red flags that new and seasoned poly people should keep an eye out for.

One of the biggest things polya individuals need to watch out for are people who SAY they’re in an consensual open relationship when they, in fact, are not. Cheating is still a very real thing that can happen in the polyamory community. While some people are in parallel poly relationships where their partners don’t want to meet their metamours, a cheater may use that as a cover for why they don’t want their partners to meet when, in fact, they’re being non-monogamous without their partner’s consent. If reasonable, ask if it would be possible to speak with a metamour briefly to confirm that all parties are consenting to the relationship. Keeping connected to the local poly scene is a one way to try and vet potential paramours. Local polyamory communities tend to be on the smaller side, so dropping a name early on in a romantic entanglement with someone is likely to elicit some useful information.

Another common red flag is the presence of “veto power”. Couples may pursue a conditional polyamory where either person can pursue a new partner, but members of the original couple maintain ultimate “veto” power and can terminate any of the secondary relationships at will. For example, Jane and John decide to try polyamory. Anyone who spends much time in a poly group on social media or a polyamorous discussion thread is going to find more than few broken hearted individuals resulting from the unexpected end of a relationship due to a metamour’s influence.

Unicorn hunting and couple’s privilege are two red flags that tend to go hand in hand. Those who frequent OK Cupid or FetLife have likely stumbled across a couple’s profile before. These are couples who make a shared profile and claim to be seeking a third person to form a triad with or to just have some fun with. Often a heterosexual couple will be seeking someone who is a “unicorn” (i.e. someone who is bisexual or pansexual, usually a cisgender woman). While there are plenty of people who are content with being the casual third in a relationship, problems arise when relationship expectations aren’t communicated at the outset or they aren’t maintained. There are many situations where someone is brought into an existing relationship with the expectation that they will be an equal member of the triad, only to be ousted by the original couple when one or both partners decide that they can’t handle sharing a partner.

Building upon unicorn hunting and couples privilege, when starting a relationship where an existing one is present, the new person should make sure they aren’t being used as a bandage to try and fix a dysfunctional relationship.

The “one penis rule” is another notion that people should be cautious off. The situation in which the “one penis rule” most often presents itself is when a cisgender man and a cisgender woman decide to open their relationship, but the woman is only allowed to date other woman. This can be a red flag on many different levels. Thanks for reading, more information coming in Poly Red Flags – Part 2. 

 

Other Notes:
Thanks for stopping by. PolyAnnArbor is the top to information on polyamory events in Ann Arbor, polyamory events in Michigan, and educational information about polyamory online.

 

Poly Ann Arbor

Posted on by polyannarbor_g46iih

 

Polyamory In Ann Arbor

Poly Ann Arbor has a focus on polyamory in Ann Arbor, but also sex positive communities of all types. Parker launched Poly Ann Arbor after coordinating a group in Cleveland and getting it started. Poly Ann Arbor is a polyamory social group. The mission of the Poly A2 is to create an environment where poly people can meet polyamorous people. This is a social group, not a dating group. 

 

Polyamory Discussion And Education

In addition to social events, there are other many events to learn, share, and express yourself. Whether you are just starting to be curious about polyamory or have been poly for a long time, our this is a top spot to connect.

 

Supporting Local Communities

There are numerous communities in Ann Arbor that are sex positive, and we are always looking for more. This is in addition to groups that focus on polyamory in Ann Arbor. Find poly positive businesses, sex pos businesses, LGBTQA+ supporting companies, and more. If you come across other businesses or Michigan polyamory groups you would like to see added.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find Polyamory Events In Ann Arbor

Get a list of poly events in Ann Arbor, as well as other educational resources. There are other poly Michigan groups as well, including polyamory in Detroit, and you can also find polyamory classes in Ann Arbor, as well as others in the region. There are many learning tools here to read, such as blogs and polyamory articles,  as well. Join our e-mail list or bookmark this site to get more information Poly Ann Arbor events, as well as others!