For people that want the answer to ‘What Is Polyamory,’ there can be many options and thoughts. Polyamory can work differently for some people than others. This blog from Christie explains one view on ‘What Is Polyamory?’ in a personal way.
Polyamory – What Is It?
I remember the night I told my mom that I’m polyamorous. It was nerve-wracking and heart-pounding and I found myself preparing a document the length of a government report describing what polyamory is, how long I’d been polyamorous, that, no, my marriage wasn’t in trouble, and why I am happier now more than ever. Fortunately, my mom is a spectacular and progressive person and received it calmly and only asked a couple of questions. She also apparently suspected I was involved in something like this from my social media posts where my very queer, very poly friends would post comments like, “I HEART YOU BOTH SO MUCH AND YOU’RE SO HOT 😉 😉 XOXOXO.” For the record, I love the enthusiasm and friendship I’ve found in my local poly community. However, for people who are coming out (such as myself), for those who have loved ones who are polyamorous, and for people who are exploring polya a for themselves, the very first question on the docket is “What is polyamory?”
It Is A Relationship Style
Broadly speaking, polyamory, sometimes shortened to “poly” or “polya”, is described as “ethical non-monogamy” or “consensual non-monogamy”. People pursuing a polyamorous lifestyle can have multiple partners that fulfill a number of needs, including romantic, sexual, social, or platonic companionship. For example, Sara might be married to and live with Mark. However, Sara also has a serious romantic relationship with Tiffany and spends 3 nights a week at her house. Sara also casually hooks up with Jo from time to time. In this example, all partners are aware of each other and are consenting to the situation. Polyamory is just one of many relationship styles that fall under the open relationship umbrella. To learn more about some of the different relationship types, check the article on open relationship types.
Open Relationships Types
When people hear the phrase “Open relationship,” visions may spring to mind of spectacular orgies reminiscent of the 1999 film “Eyes Wide Shut.” However, there are actually several different types of open relationships. For example, a couple may have an agreement that they can have sexual relationships with other people, but they must maintain emotional and romantic fidelity to one another. Partners may have sex with other people separately or they might join the “swing” community. Swingers typically will meet up with other couples and swap spouses/partners for a night of fun. To learn more about the swinging lifestyle and the Ann Arbor swinging community, check out this article here.
Polyamory is another open relationship type. As opposed to the emotional/romantic exclusivity outlined above, polyamory further opens up a relationship to permit not only multiple sexual partners, but also multiple emotional, romantic, and even life partners.
Why Are People Polyamorous?
After figuring out what polyamory is, the next question someone might ask is why does someone choose to be polyamorous? Cynics might say something along the lines of people are poly because they can’t commit or that they’re sluts. Setting aside the fact that there’s nothing wrong with people who enjoy lots of sex or who get paid for providing sex services, people don’t necessarily pursue polyamory out of the need to roll in the hay with as many people as they can. In a monogamous relationship, a single person is responsible for meeting all of the physical, mental, and emotional needs of the other individual. While it’s not impossible for a single individual to meet these needs, accomplishing that might require that person to have great fortitude, which might in turn result in that person not having their own needs met.
One Example
For example, Terri and Lee love each other and share a common vision for their future together, but Terri is asexual and Lee LOVES taking a trip to pound town. While they’re relationship is healthy and they can meet most of each other’s needs, sex is one place where they’re not very compatible. Terri might engage in sex to make Lee happy, but Terri doesn’t really enjoy it and might start to feel resentful. Conversely, Lee might feel guilty about inadvertently pressuring Terri into sex, but then becomes pent up and frustrated after not having intercourse for months on end. After several conversations, Terri and Lee decide to try polyamory. After attending some local meetups, Lee finds a new partner, Alex, who is just as into bundle rubbing as they are. Lee and Alex can now enjoy a mutual rut in the sack and Lee and Terri are feeling happier in their relationship because one isn’t forcing the other to meet all their needs.
A Little More Info
The theoretical situation with Lee and Terri is just one example of many scenarios that might lead a couple or individual to become polyamorous. People may have busy work lives and don’t want to force partners to commit to monogamy when they’re often at the office late at night and can’t provide the level of attention a partner needs. Other people find themselves deeply in love with more than one person and find that they want to share a life with both people. Not to say that much of the romantic tension in the “Twilight” series would have been resolved if Bella, Edward, and Jacob had simply had an adult conversation at the breakfast table and agreed to just letting Jacob move into a bedroom in the house, but who’s to say. Some people simply realize that they’re just wired to be polyamorous from a young age. While the reasons can vary from person to person, many stem from the simple idea that love is infinite and that love for one person doesn’t detract from love for another person.
Some Relationship Styles Work For Some Better Than Others
It is also important to keep in mind that, in the same way monogamy isn’t for everyone, polyamory isn’t for everyone either. Unfortunately, it can be challenging for people to accurately assess what works best for them. Many societies teach monogamy as the default and sole socially acceptable relationship style, so it can be challenging for people to even CONSIDER consensual non-monogamy as an option for them. The good news is that poly representation is starting to creep its way into mainstream media. Hopefully, as society on the whole starts to acknowledge that these relationships exist and are valid, more people will have the tools they need to find out if it’s the right choice for them.
How To Find Poly Events In Ann Arbor
Another fantastic way to learn more about polyamory is through the discussion groups and meet-ups. There are many answers to the question ‘What Is Polyamory?’ With numerous ways to do things, the polyamory education blogs on this site can be a fantastic way to learn about consent, dating, communication, how to manage jealousy, and more. There are also many other sex-positive communities in Michigan, and you can find a listing of some of them on this page. The polyamory events in Ann Arbor by Poly Ann Arbor are designed for social gatherings and community, this is not a dating groups. We hope you see us soon at events! Reach out on our contact page or join our e-mail list for more information. What is polyamory? For us it has been a rewarding adventure. What is polyamory? Come find out.